InsaneJournal

Current mood:	aggravated
Entry tags:	deep ones, fanfic

Open Secrets 5/?
Title: Open Secrets
Chapter Title: Fifth: Jeannie Miller
Rating: R
Pairing: some McKay/Zelenka
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
Stargate Atlantis belongs to SciFi and MGM. Lovecraft's works are public domain.

-----

Once somebody starts spreading rumors that you worship Cthulhu it can be hard to dissuade them. Especially if you've been born and bred to do just that.

Direct sequel to 'Sitting in a Tin Can', rated for adult themes. This was written just now. I know I said there would be four parts to this. I lied.

-----

The parasite was gone, they'd returned to Atlantis, and Jeannie Miller sat by Meredith's bed as he recovered. They'd saved his mind but she knew there was no way to save his body. Oh god, he was hideous. It was the same condition that drove their father to commit suicide, she was sure of it.

Dr. Keller came over to sit next to her. "You okay?" she asked.

Jeannie smiled wryly. "I hope we did the right thing," she said.

"I do too."

One thing Jeannie usually refused to admit to herself was that she'd inhereted the McKay bluntness. She hid it well but in the end… "He has a degenerative genetic disease," she pointed out. "Why haven't you done anything about it?"

Keller looked at Jeannie thoughtfully. Rodney had said once that he'd never said anything to his sister but she wasn't sure if she'd believed it. Now she did. "What do you know about it?" she asked.

"I know Dad had it," Jeannie said, remembering. "I know it drove him to commit suicide."

"What did he look like when he died? If you're okay with me asking."

"I barely recognized him," Jeannie said, not really hearing Dr. Keller anymore. "His skin was covered in grey-silver plaques, his hands and feet were webbed, his spine was all hunched over, the skin on his neck was folded over on itself but his face…" She shuddered in disgust. "He didn't look human anymore. And Meredith has the same thing. Tell me, did he ever ask you to fix it?"

"No," Keller admitted. "He never did."

"What about Carson?"

Keller nodded sadly. "Rodney did ask Carson a few times but he wouldn’t do it," she said.

"'Wouldn't'?" Jeannie asked, horrified.

"Couldn't do it, either," Keller said in defense. "It's not a disease, Mrs. Miller, nor is it degenerative. But it is genetic."

"What?"

"I suggest you ask Rodney about it when he wakes up," Keller said, getting up. "Why don't you go and get some sleep? I'm going to be here all night."

"No, it's okay," Jeannie said. "I'd like to be here when he wakes up."

"Well, it could be a while," Keller said, trying to inject some humor into the room. "He does love to sleep, our Rodney."

"You should have seen him when he was a teenager."

"Who can sleep with all the talking?" asked a drowsy voice from the bed. Rodney opened his eyes and turned to look on them both.

"Hi!" Jeannie exclaimed.

"Hi," Rodney murmured.

"You still, uh…" Jeannie gestured to her own head in an effort to find only moderately insulting words. "…all there?"

Rodney smirked at her effort. "Well there was so much to spare," he mocked.

Keller and Jeannie smiled ruefully.

Rodney turned his attention to Keller. "Thank you," he said.

"You're welcome," she said.

"It was scary," he admitted.

"For me too," she said.

Rodney nodded and looked away.

"You hungry?" Keller asked.

Rodney waved his hand in a 'so-so' motion. "Peckish," he said, attempting nonchalance.

The girls laughed and Keller left to go order him something.

Jeannie tucked her brother in and smiled, relieved by the fact that he was not just alive but himself again.

-----

Jeannie had been so happy, so relieved that Meredith was recovered that she forgot her conversation with Dr. Keller and all mention of the degenerative disease passed from their father. As such when she found Meredith at the door she expected nothing more than for him to wish her a safe trip home.

"I see you're packing," Rodney said in opening.

"Well, yeah, the Daedalus leaves tomorrow," Jeannie pointed out.

Rodney walked in without invitation and sat down on the bed. He gestured for her to sit down.

"What is it, is something wrong?" Jeannie asked. "Don't tell me it didn’t really work."

"It worked just fine, the parasite's gone, just sit down," Rodney said, annoyed and nervous.

"Oh good," Jeannie said, sitting next to her brother. She figured this would be one of those brother-sister moments they seemed to miss out on when they were children.

"So it was suggested that I should talk to you," Rodney began. "About Dad."

Whatever Jeannie was expecting it wasn't that. "What brought this up?"

"You did. When I was waking up. Jennifer kind of threatened to exile me to my quarters if I didn’t talk to you about it."

Jeannie snorted at that. "Wait, she threatened to send you to your room?"

"Shut up."

"She did, didn’t she?" Jeannie snickered.

"Do you want to talk about Dad or should I just go get myself sent to my room?" Rodney demanded, moving to get up and leave.

"Stay," Jeannie pleaded. "I don't particularly want to talk about Dad but just, stay, please?"

Rodney sat back down. He tentatively reached out for her as she just as tentatively slid closer. He ended up with an arm over her shoulders as she snuggled against his side. They could probably have counted on one hand the number of hugs they'd shared in the past decade until this moment. This hug made all of six in ten years.

"You smell like fish," Jeannie said, ending the moment.

"Yeah, that happens," Rodney said.

"And when did this start?"

Rodney sighed. "This is what I needed to come talk to you about." He got up and started pacing the room. "Dad always liked me best. You know this as well as I but did you ever know why?"

Jeannie scowled. "I assumed it was because I was a girl," she said, disgusted.

"No, that's not why," Rodney said. "If that were so then he wouldn’t have encouraged you to go into mathematics the way he did and I was doing."

"He didn’t encourage, he demanded."

"Don’t you think if he were being sexist he'd have demanded you go into something more girly? Like English?"

"Yes, well… Hey!"

"I didn’t entirely enjoy Dad's attention, believe me."

Jeannie looked at her brother, horrified and disgusted. "Oh my god, he didn't…"

Rodney didn’t realize for a moment but when he did he cringed with his own disgust. "Oh eww, Jeannie!" he exclaimed. "Of course not! Eww!"

"Okay," she said, relaxing a bit. "You just scared me there."

"What exactly made you think Dad raped me?!" Rodney demanded, still disgusted.

"Just the way you said it, I don’t know!"

"You scare me, you know that Jeannie?" Rodney said. "No, that's not why Dad liked me more. It's something much less creepy. Or more, I'm not sure how you'd think of this."

"Meredith…"

"It's this degenerative genetic disease as you called it. Dad loved you less because you don't have it. You're normal, Jeannie, and Dad considered that a personal failure. It's why he committed suicide."

"What?" Jeannie whispered.

Rodney took his sister's hands in his own and looked her in the eyes. "Out of Gramma and Dad and you and I, you were the only one born without the Gift," he said solemnly. He blinked, letting her see nictitating membranes for the first time. "You were the only one born human."

Jeannie snatched her hands away, shrieking. She got up and backed away. "What the hell are you?! Where's my brother?!"

"Dammit, Jeannie, I AM your brother!"

"No, no no you're not," she whimpered. "My brother's human, my brother's normal."

"I'm not," he whispered. "I never was normal. Not Gramma, not Dad, not me. None of us were normal or human, ever."

"That's not true. It can't be true. It's not true, I tell you!"

He got up and rushed her, grabbing her around the arms to hold her in place. "I swear to you on Mother's grave it's true," he pleaded.

"What are you?" she asked in a small, broken voice.

"We're Deep Ones," he murmured. "Lovecraft got it right. Gramma's real name was Rosalyn Marsh. She escaped the raids on the town of Innsmouth in 1928. I'm almost done with the Change, Jeannie. Just like Gramma Changed. Just like how Dad was almost Changed."

"It's not possible," Jeannie whimpered.

"It is," he breathed.

Jeannie started struggling. "No! No no no it's not possible! There's no such thing!"

"Jeannie…"

"Let me GO!" she screamed.

"Jeannie--"

"Let me go you, you MONSTER!"

Rodney let go of her as though she burned him and stepped back. He let despair flow freely. "Please don't call me that," he whispered.

"That's what you are, isn't it?!" Jeannie shrieked. "You're a monster, just like Dad! A monster pretending to be my brother!"

Something broke within him. Rodney just barely stopped himself from falling apart right there. "You don't mean that," he begged.

"Get out!" she screamed. "Leave! Just like Dad left! You've done it once before it should be easy, just go away!"

Rodney slowly slithered to the door.

Jeannie grabbed for something to throw, one of her packed shirts. "Leave me alone, you monster!" she screamed. "I never want to see you again!" She let the shirt fly.

Rodney dodged the projectile and ran away.

Jeannie stood staring at the door for a few minutes, gasping for breath. Gasps turned to sobs and before she knew it she was huddled next to the bed, crying. She didn't know why this was happening but she couldn’t shake the feeling that she'd just lost her brother again.

This time there was no mystical shrine to bring him back.

-----

Dr. Keller called on Zelenka who called on Sheppard who ended up being tasked with finding Rodney. John found him on the East Pier, legs dangling over the edge as he gazed sadly into the waters below. "Hey, buddy," John said in cautious greeting.

Rodney made a noncommittal noise.

John sat down next to him and looked down. "It's a long way down," he observed.

"Why are you out here, John?" Rodney asked.

Sheppard shrugged. "I heard what Keller had you do," he said. "I take it it didn't go well."

Rodney shook his head. "I won't be surprised if she never wanted to speak to me again."

John reached up and put a hand on Rodney's shoulder. "I'm sorry," he said.

Rodney sighed and leaned into the touch. A sob escaped before he could reach up and wipe his nose in an attempt to cover it.

John rubbed Rodney's shoulder. "Hey, how about we take a bath?" he asked.

Rodney shuddered. "Only if it's warm. And saltwater."

John got up and offered a hand. "It can be whatever you want it to be."

-----

Jeannie couldn't sleep. She hadn't left her loaned quarters since throwing things at Rodney. She was hungry but too nauseous to eat, exhausted but too wound up to sleep. Instead she gave up, found a robe and slippers, and wandered off into the city. She traced a path she knew well enough and ended up in the dining hall. The smell of food had all but dissipated into the faint sterile scent of wrapped sandwiches and the burnt ring on the bottom of the coffee machines. The lights were low and the tables empty save for one person sitting with a cup of tea.

"Haven't seen you in a while," Jennifer acknowledged as Jeannie sat down across from her.

Jeannie shrugged in that McKay way.

"What happened?" Jennifer asked.

"When you found out my brother was a... a, a Deep One, how did you deal with it?" Jeannie asked.

Dr. Keller sat back and sipped at her tea. "I found out before I even met him," she admitted. "I was taking over for Dr. Beckett after he died and I was curious. I had all of Carson's passwords so the first thing I did was go to the most heavily encrypted file in the system. Rodney's, of course. I read what was happening to him and immediately told Elizabeth I couldn't do this."

"But you're still here," Jeannie pointed out.

"Yep. Elizabeth didn't know about your brother's... condition, so I never told her why I couldn't do this. As such she wouldn't let me leave. So I just bit the bullet and went to your brother's quarters to meet him. He was arrogant and condescending and completely understood why I was afraid. There I was, walking into the lair of a person who terrified me because he wasn't human and he understood. He just kind of hugged me and purred and talked to me and it made it easier to deal with."

"Are you sure this is the same Meredith we're talking about?" Jeannie asked.

"Okay so he was still an arrogant jerk about it," Keller admitted. "That doesn't mean he didn't understand."

"Yeah well I think I pushed his so-called 'understanding' a bit too far today," Jeannie said glumly. "I doubt he'll ever want to talk to me again."

"You should at least try."

Jeannie shook her head. "I don't think so," she said. "You don't know Mer like I do. No, it's probably better if I just leave and never come back."

Jennifer looked at her sadly. Jeannie didn't realize, maybe couldn't even see just how much her brother had changed, mentally and emotionally. She likely would never see it unless she was shone. Keller got an idea. "You look like you need some tea," she said.

Jeannie looked at the selection at the counter. "Maybe some tea will help calm my nerves," she agreed. She got up to make herself some only to find a hand on her arm stopping her.

"I have a stash if you'd like some," Keller offered. "Earl grey. Chocolate. Even beer."

Jeannie thought for a few moments before agreeing. They left the dining hall, Keller leading the way. "You know, I haven't seen much in the way of chocolate here," she said, trying to make conversation.

"Chocolate is almost a form of currency here," Keller explained. "It's only used for the exchange of big-ticket goods and services. Like, you know, days off or to settle bets or to apologize for shooting someone."

"Who would give someone chocolate as an apology for shooting them?" Jeannie asked in disbelief.

"Rodney's been shot," Keller said as an example. "Couple of times. Both times he wouldn't forgive John for it until John forked over chocolate as an apology. Although in the colonel's defense he wasn't the one who pulled the trigger the first time and the second time was just a flesh wound."

"Wait, are you saying John Sheppard shot Meredith at some point?" Jeannie demanded.

"John shot a few people that day," Keller said. "He luckily didn't kill anyone and everyone forgave him after only minimal hazing. He did have to pay for favor in beer and chocolate but that's to be expected. I'd be surprised if his stash has fully recovered even now. That's what happens, I guess, when the SGC keeps a tight grip on chocolate shipments." They stopped in front of a door and Keller waved her hand at the chime.

"Wait, aren't we headed to your quarters?" Jeannie asked. "Why use the chime?"

Jeannie's question was answered when the door opened to find a dripping wet Sheppard at the door, robe sticking to his naked body. "Hi Jennifer," he said.

"What's going on?" Jeannie demanded.

"Is there a naked party I didn't know about?" Keller asked.

"Hey, the bathtub fits three," Sheppard pointed out. "Probably more."

"I'll pass. Hey, we need to come in."

"Not until I know what's going on!" Jeannie demanded.

"Someone at the door?" asked a voice from deeper in the room. Rodney wandered out of the bathroom, dripping wet and pulling on his own robe. He opened his mouth to say more but stopped as soon as he saw who it was.

Jeannie's eyes widened as she saw her brother step into the room. He was dripping wet and covered in not just skin-plaques but actual scales. His feet were webbed and for a second she could have sworn he had a fin going down his back. She took a step back to leave and leave quickly but stopped when a pair of hands gripped her arms. Both Sheppard and Keller had an arm and were pulling her inside. "Let me go, he doesn't want to talk to me," she pleaded.

"Just let her go, she doesn't want to see me," Rodney whispered.

As soon as Jeannie was inside Sheppard closed the door and begged Atlantis to lock it tight until he authorized it open. "Okay, siblings, now look," he said. "Both of you thinks the other hates them. Now I'm sure both of you have very good reason to believe that but we're going to clear this up. Tonight. Because trust me, if it's not done now it never will be."

"Oh and you're the expert?" Jeannie snapped.

"All things considered, yes," Sheppard said.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly.

Sheppard ignored her and went over to Rodney. "You should try talking to her," he said quietly.

"Oh and we all know how well that went last time," Rodney snarled. "I'm the one who had to dodge having things thrown at me, I'm the one who had to listen to my sister screaming at me about how she never wanted to see me again, well I say let her have her wish, Colonel. She never wants to see me again, fine. She can just go back to Earth and never darken my Nest again!" He stormed off back into the bathroom. A loud shriek, a growl, and a splash were heard before the swearing started. A naked Zelenka wandered out, not even bothering with a robe.

"That obr šupinatý srdcovka(1) threw me out of the tub!" Zelenka complained.

"I heard that!" came the shout from the bathroom.

"Kousat mne!(2)"

"C'mere and I will!"

"Boys!" Keller scolded.

Zelenka finally registered the women in the room. And the fact that he was naked. He ignored this fact, confident that the room was not cold. "Good evening, ladies," he greeted. Sheppard and Keller both rolled their eyes as Zelenka sauntered over to Jeannie and took her hand to kiss it. She pulled her hand away as soon as his lips left it. "My apologies, Mrs. Miller, for your terrible night thus far," he murmured. "Perhaps is something I can do?"

There was a gray-green blur and a scaly arm wrapped around Zelenka's waist, dragging him back a step. "You can stop flirting with my little sister," Rodney said, growling the words near Zelenka's ear.

"I'm not sixteen, Mer," Jeannie said, scowling. "I don't need you to protect me from creepy naked men."

"The creepy naked man is thinking otherwise," Zelenka offered. "In fact I am thinking since men are naked women should be as well. For balance."

"Excuse us," Rodney said, dragging Zelenka off to the bathroom. There was a sudden splash and a stream of curses in Czech. The profanity continued until Rodney returned, alone. And still naked.

"I didn't know you could do that with a goat," Sheppard said.

"You speak Czech?" Keller asked.

"Speak, no," Sheppard said. "Understand, yes. Especially when he starts on about mothers, goats, and windows."

"Mer, you're missing something," Jeannie pointed out. She was eyeing his crotch where instead of the dangle of human male genitals all she could see was a vertical slit in pale satiny skin.

"They're internal," Rodney said. "Everything."

Jeannie gave him a look of amused disbelief.

"It comes out when I need it," Rodney defended.

Jeannie giggled and gave Keller a look. And stopped giggling when Keller held up her hands a distance apart, giving a measurement. "Seriously?!" Jeannie cried. Keller nodded sagely. Jeannie looked back at Rodney who was grinning proudly.

"He's like a dolphin that way," Sheppard said.

"Squee," Rodney said in the blandest way possible while still sounding vaguely like a dolphin.

"I don't know if I'm impressed or horrified," Jeannie said.

"Go for impressed," Sheppard suggested. "I think you've been horrified enough for one day."

Jeannie had to agree as she sat down on the edge of Rodney's unmade bed. She looked around to see his organizational skills hadn't improved any since childhood. Clothes and papers were still everywhere, the bed was unmade, there was a computer left on that was playing chess with itself, and the room itself seemed to have its own funk. The childhood familiarity helped to convince her that this was indeed her brother. "You're right," she said. "I think I have been."

Rodney pushed some things and most of the covers off the bed and sat down next to his sister. "You know, sometimes I used to wish I was like you," he said. "Normal. Human. I wouldn't be in the throes of this Change, I wouldn't have to worry about people finding out, I won't have to leave everyone I cared about when the Change finished. And then I came here, to Atlantis. The Change stopped for awhile and when it began again and people started finding out it wasn't so bad. Most everyone has accepted it and those who haven't tend to just stay away from me. And now I won't even have to leave when the Change is over, I can stay in the city with my Nest, my family."

"So you're going to stay here?" Jeannie asked.

"Yes." Rodney sighed. "Asking Katie to marry me was a mistake. I'm not human, I shouldn't be trying to live up to their ideals. Besides, the moment she found out what I am she transferred out of the city, just to get away from the idea... Well, needless to say it was a mistake."

"You don't have to give up being human," Jeannie pleaded, hopeful. "What if you find someone you love? Who loves you for who and... what... you are?"

Rodney smiled bashfully and glanced at Sheppard, Keller, and lingered on Zelenka as he came in from the bathroom again. "I already have," he said. "Several someones. My entire Nest, actually."

"I mean romantically," Jeannie pointed out, willing the mental image of orgies out of her head.

Rodney started purring as Zelenka blushed just enough to be obvious.

Jeannie looked between Rodney and Zelenka, disbelief visible on her features. "No, he's creepy," she said.

So am I, Rodney mouthed, unable to speak through the purr.

"So is he," Radek pointed out.

An evil realization entered Jeannie's head. "Wait, you can't talk while you're purring," she said.

Rodney gave her an annoyed look but didn't stop the purr, especially not when Zelenka sauntered over and trailed a hand down Rodney's neck to his dorsal spines.

She filed away the information and was inundated by a mental image of Meredith home for some holiday in the future, unable to tell Madison 'no' because he was purring too much. Jeannie's sisterly glee was tempered by thoughts of Madison. "How will this affect my daughter?" she asked softly.

Rodney's purrs slowed and stopped at that. "I don't know," he admitted. "Sometimes Deep One blood can skip generations. Sometimes it just fades away."

"How will I know?" she asked.

Rodney glanced at Sheppard, at Keller, at Zelenka. Each gave him a slight nod of encouragement. He took a breath before answering. "Her dreams," he said. "If she has the Taint she'll start dreaming about the ocean at some point. Maybe in a few years, maybe even now, I don't know. She might not even tell you when it starts. You just have to trust that even if she does have it, the Change won't begin until puberty or after. She could live twenty, forty years, maybe longer without taking to the water."

Jeannie fell quiet. She stared at her hands, remembering the last conversation she had with her daughter before leaving for the Pegasus Galaxy this time. A conversation about Madison's dreams, about cute fishies and dark oceans and meeting her Great Grandmother in a ruined city. "Then she has it," she whispered. "The dreams, they've already begun."

Rodney made a tiny sound, almost like a 'murr' and wrapped his arms around his sister. He pulled her close and petted her hair, taking comfort in the fact that she let him. She didn't pull away. Instead she closed her eyes and seemed to accept it.

-----

"I have no idea how I'm going to tell Kaleb," Jeannie admitted after saying her goodbyes. It was the next day and she had but minutes before her scheduled beam-out to the Daedalus. "And what if I need to talk to someone about this on the Daedalus? I'm not going to pretend to assume that anyone really knows..."

"Colonel Caldwell knows," Rodney said. "You can ask him, he's a good guy once you get past the... yeah..."

"Right," Jeannie said, disbelief coloring her tone.

"And if Kaleb needs convincing, well, it's summer, right? He's a teacher, he's not working right now, take a road trip around New England for a few weeks. Visit Miskatonic, wander around the anthropology department looking for old guys and wait for one of them to start following you to stare at Madison. One conversation is all it'll take."

"Just go there and wander around?" Jeannie asked, still disbelieving.

"Well, you could go to their library and mention my name," Rodney said. "I still went by Meredith half the time I was there, remember. Or you could always try Boston, I heard while Dad was still active in the Esoteric Order that there was a growing population of hybrids there."

"Maybe we'll just stick to the university," Jeannie said.

Rodney wrapped her up in one last hug. "Whatever you do just don't be like Dad," he whispered. "Don't keep it from your own family. Kaleb deserves to know, Madison is his daughter after all."

"When did you get so wise?" Jeannie asked.

"I think it was when my secret got out accidentally and my whole science department cared more about being able to explore underwater than the fact that their department head was a mutant."

"You're not a mutant."

"Close enough." Rodney stepped back as the Asgard beam was activated and Jeannie disappeared to the Daedalus.

That, he had to admit, could have gone a lot worse.

End Chapter 5

(1) - giant scaly frog

(2) - Bite me!